The Torah prohibits expressing grief through injury to the self:

“You are children to Hashem, your G-d- you shall not cut yourselves and you shall not make a bald spot between your eyes for a dead person.” (Devarim 14:1)

Self- mutilation and excessive grief are not ways in which we mourn. But why does the pasuk begin, “Banim atem l’Hashem Elokaichem- You are children to Hashem, your G-d…?”

What does the prohibition of inappropriate mourning have to do with the parent-child relationship that we share with G-d?

Sforno (16th C. Italy) explains that is not proper to grieve excessively when a “more honored relative remains.” Namely, Hashem; our Father in Heaven. That is why the verse introduces this commandment with, “You are Children to Hashem…” It alludes to the parent-child relationship that exists between man and G-d.

One may experiences a loss, however no one is ever orphaned. Hashem is present in our lives.

In Chassidic Literature it is emphasized that G-d experiences pain when we do. Excessive grief is thus prohibited because it causes the Shechinah pain, just like a parent is pained to see his child in pain. The psalmist expresses G-d’s empathy when he writes …”I [G-d] am with him in pain…” (Psalm 91).

As Ellul quickly approaches, with the Yamim Noraim on the horizon, it is important to consider this most intimate relationship that we have with our Father, our King. In fact, the next verse reminds us of this special bond: “For you are a holy people to Hashem your G-d. And Hashem has chosen you for Himself to be a treasured people, from among all the peoples on the face of the earth.” (ibid v. 2) It is essential that we feel holy, chosen and treasured. For we truly are.